Sunday, March 9, 2008

Casting Call!

You can probably file this one under "too much time on my hands," or "WAY too much time on my hands," but I thought I'd have a little fun here. . .
Blogging can sometimes be so serious, so just for today, let's set aside all the arguments and blogoversies, and imagine we're casting roles for a multi-million dollar theatrical production of Antietam. The roles can be played by any celebrity, dead or alive.
Here are some of my suggestions. Please feel free to send some more suggestions, particularly for the roles of Lee, Jackson, and Longstreet (Note: Martin Sheen, Robert Duvall, Stephen Lang, and Tom Berenger are not available).
* * * * * * * * * * *
George Brinton McClellan
The Union army commander will be portrayed by Paul McCartney, circa 1967 (Sgt. Pepper's)

* * * * * * * * * * *
James Kemper
This Confederate brigadier will be played by Robbie Coltrane as Hagrid. . .
Or, if Mr. Coltrane prefers, he can play Lafayette McLaws.
* * * * * * * * * * *
Joseph King Fenno Mansfield
12th Corps Commander Mansfield will be portrayed by Denver Pyle, a.k.a. Uncle Jesse from the Dukes of Hazzard
* * * * * * * * * * *
Israel B. Richardson
Stacy Keach, as Mike Hammer, gets the nod to play Richardson. . .
* * * * * * * * * * *
Ambrose E. Burnside
I always thought Jonathan Winters would be a great General Burnside. . .
* * * * * * * * * *
Samuel D. Sturgis Without question, 9th Corps Division Commander Sam Sturgis will be portrayed by Oliver Hardy
(Now if only we can find a role for Stan Laurel).
* * * * * * * * * * *
John Bell Hood Even though he's not an actor, Stephen King is scary looking enough to tackle the part of John Bell Hood.
* * * * * * * * * * *
Marsena Rudolph Patrick
Foster Brooks lands the role as 1st Corps Brigade Commander Marsena Patrick
Or, if he'd rather, Brooks can play Colonel Dixon Miles
* * * * * * * * * * *
Edwin V. Sumner
2nd Corps chief Edwin Sumner will be portrayed by Tommy Chong
* * * * * * * * * * * *

15 comments:

Craig Warren said...

Put a beard and kepi on Christopher Walken, and take off a few decades, and he would be just creepy enough to play Stonewall Jackson.

John David Hoptak said...

Excellent.
Thanks, Craig.

Harry said...

Dennis Franz as Ben Butler?
Groundskeeper Willie as Samuel Sprigg Carroll?
Jason Robards as Robert E. Lee (hey, they're both dead).
I got a million of 'em.

Anonymous said...

Wow, I knew Shippensburg's own Sammy Sturgis reminded me of somebody I had seen before. Stan Laurel would make a good Francis Barlow.

He wasn't at Antietam, but one of the guys in ZZ Top, (I'm not usre which one), is a dead ringer for Billy Mahone. Fortunately, Braxton Bragg wasn't at Antietam because I don't think you could find a match. That man was ugly!

John C. Nicholas

John David Hoptak said...

Hey John. . .
Funny you should mention Mahone. I was going to cast one of the guys from ZZ Top! Stan Laurel and Francis Barlow is perfect.

Take Care.
John

Anonymous said...

Hey John - You forgot Rhodes !

HankC said...

Do not forget willie pegram and dustin hoffman...

http://www.findagrave.com/cgi-bin/fg.cgi?page=pis&GRid=6854797&PIgrid=6854797&PIcrid=50668&PIpi=332433&

mannie said...

John,

Take another look at the resumes for theMcClellan role, and tell me that John Garfield wouldn't be perfect.

Marsena Patrick would best be portrayed by a muppet,
one that incorporated several toilet brushes.

Mannie

mannie said...

And Robert Preston as a very upbeat, very vigorous, and very robust John Gibbon, though not perhaps not gay.

Mannie

John David Hoptak said...

Excellent. Thanks for the suggestions. We'll be in touch with their agents.

Anonymous said...

It's a shame that no one cast Donald Sutherland as J.B. Hood around the time of "Kelly's heroes"; at one point in that film, when he turns his head to answer Don Rickles' question...he looks exactly like Old Woodenhead.

Anonymous said...

Actually I see Tommy Chong as George Meade.

John C. Nicholas

Anonymous said...

Jeffrey Jones,(the princpal fro Ferris Bueller's Day Off) as Henry Halleck.

John C. Nicholas

Robert Moore said...

This is great! I would like to recommend... Dustin Hoffman as Confederate artillerist Willie Pegram...

Robert Moore said...

Awww shucks, hankc beat me to it on Dustin Hoffman!